You're a strong woman.....They don't like that
I have been told that I am a strong woman. It makes me cringe. I can't stand it. As I am getting older, I am understanding it.
I get told this because I was a single mom of four daughters, one daughter got diagnosed with a severe heart/lung disease when she was 11, my mom died, I have dated every loser, I was never on welfare, I owned a housekeeping business to work around kids, etc. etc...... How did I do it? That's the thing, I don't know. I don't think anyone does. It happens and some people can do it, and some cannot. It wasn't until it was over that I realized how lucky I really was. I have watched many people fall and not get back up.
What makes me different? Why was I able to handle all the punches? Going through what I have, at the time, I didn't think it was luck. I thought I must have been the unluckiest person. Bad after bad happening almost daily. But now I look back and there are so many more good memories than bad. The heartache and no sleeping were worth it in the end.
It is so hard to see the good when you are in the middle of the crap storm. I can tell you that the end can be worth it.
The biggest problem is that this will make you strong! And some will respect you for it but many will hate you for it. See, people say they like a strong woman, but they don't. Other women see it as a power struggle. Men see it as emasculating. I tell people that call me strong that I am not! I was created. I didn't want any of this. I didn't want to be strong. Especially like this. There is something about the softness of a woman. I feel like I have lost that. I do miss it.
Trying to soften up after this crazy life is just as hard as becoming strong. Some things that helped make you strong can help you soften. Cry as often as you need. Stare aimlessly out a window. Read a book. Sit in the dark and look at the kids. Go to the gym or take a walk. Try not to let the others get to you. They are only jealous because you are figuring things out.